


It Burns Going Down

by bastanubis29



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Consensual Infidelity, Continuation, Inspired, M/M, Married Life, it's an ending..., kind of yifan centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-11-12 11:09:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18009821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bastanubis29/pseuds/bastanubis29
Summary: For a minute, he wants his outsides to match his insides. His fist hits the table, and he lets out a shuddery breath; he pays this man to be what Junmyeon needs because he himself can’t be.





	It Burns Going Down

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [hide every lock](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16198004) by [keleela (miikkaa_xx)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/miikkaa_xx/pseuds/keleela). 
  * Inspired by [Work Me Over](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16183835) by [BangBangBart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BangBangBart/pseuds/BangBangBart). 



> I can’t believe that this is going to be my first step into writing the Krisho universe, but I needed closure on this AU because I’m a sucker for endings.

He gets home, and Junmyeon is still out. Which is good, it gives him some time to organize his thoughts into a pattern that kind of makes sense and won’t make Junmyeon feel guilty for asking for what he needs.

(The way the dom called Yifan  _ ge  _ rings in his ears.)

He’s never had an issue with the arrangement, in fact, he gets just as much out of it as Junmyeon does, but a part of him (the jealous part) hates this. Because Yifan knows that he can’t give Junmyeon what he wants, and no matter how often the other reassures him that he’s enough, he feels like he never will be.

He pours himself a glass of whiskey, neat, before sitting at the kitchen table. His tie is loose, his cum-stained boxers cooling unpleasantly against his skin, drying tear tracks down his face, but he can’t bring himself to care. For a minute, he wants his outsides to match his insides. His fist hits the table, and he lets out a shuddery breath; he  _ pays _ this man to be what Junmyeon needs because he himself can’t be.

And this isn’t  _ fair  _ because he tries so hard, he tries so hard to accept it and move on and tell himself that the twisting of his stomach and inexplicable guilt is nothing important, just him being turned on by the idea of his husband being fucked by another man, and he takes another sip of alcohol and hopes that it will make the world and his worries fade away.

Headlights fill the kitchen with light, and Yifan begins to move, leaving his glass on the table. He can’t let Junmyeon see him like this, and he’s not quite ready to talk to him yet. 

He rushes to the shower, turns on scalding hot water and escapes for a minute. He can’t say where his mind goes at times like these, just that the water fades to a dull roar around him and he feels blissfully numb. Vaguely, outside his head, he can hear Junmyeon moving around the house, cabinets opening and closing and a kettle being put on the burner. 

Shampoo stings his eyes, and he washes his body so violently it turns red and still he feels  _ wrong. _

The wedding ring on his finger seems to burn, and he stares at the little golden loop as the bathroom fills with steam around him. He stands there until the water begins to go cold; as soon as it does, he shuts off the shower and wraps himself in a towel.

His walk to the bedroom is more of a trance than a purposeful endeavor, wandering through a hallway lined with photos of his and Junmyeon’s life together. He enters the thankfully empty bedroom, pulls on clothes in the same trance, and leaves to walk to the kitchen, socked feet muffling his footsteps. 

There are marks on the back of Junmyeon’s neck, marks that Yifan knows he didn’t leave, and seeing them almost sends him running back down the hallway to his study to avoid this altogether.

Junmyeon turns, and he’s not blissed out like he normally would be and that’s when Yifan realizes that this is as big a deal as he suspected. That there’s something that Junmyeon has to tell him, and that he’s not going to like it, and that ten years of marriage (and a big dick) isn’t going to save him from the reality of the situation. 

“Yifan…” Junmyeon murmurs, and Yifan prepares himself, because emotionally he’s fifteen again and being rejected for the first time.

And Yifan’s dehydrated from all the crying, so he doesn’t tear up again, but he would be if he could. His whiskey’s still on the table, and he wonders for a moment if it would be too pathetic to drink it in front of Junmyeon.

He decides he doesn’t care, picks up the glass and brings it to his lips. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he says, and the whiskey burns on the way down, but it’s what he deserves.

Junmyeon blinks, “And you’re fine?”

“Completely.”

“So, that’s why you’ve been in the shower for forty-five minutes? Because you’re fine?”

Yifan shrugs and takes another sip of whiskey. “It’s something you need. It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“Is it the whole thing, or is it just him?”

“I don’t know what you’re asking me.”

“I thought you were okay with this, but if it’s the arrangement itself…”

“The arrangement’s fine. It’s all fine. I’m fine.”

“Yifan,” Junmyeon sighs, “you don’t look fine. You haven’t looked well for weeks.”

“It’s just work stuff. More overtime, you know how it is.”

“If you’re sure…”

Yifan forces a smile, “Of course I am. It’s just been a tough few weeks. Things will get better soon, I promise.”

Junmyeon watches as his husband pads down the hallway to his study, feeling that they’ve had a fight but no hurtful words have been spoken. He doesn’t know how to fix this without one of them getting hurt.

Yifan is too self-sacrificing; Junmyeon knows this, and it still astounds him to know just how much more important Yifan finds his happiness as opposed to his own. But Junmyeon is selfish, and he can’t give up the dom, not when he makes him feel things that Yifan has never been able to make him feel.

And so he packs up his things while Yifan is in his study, takes his car and drives down the road, stopping at the sign and turning back to the place that has been his home for over ten years and trying to imagine staying. 

But he knows himself and he knows Yifan and he knows that there are things that he needs that Yifan will never be able to give him. And while Yifan has allowed Junmyeon’s infidelity, Junmyeon has never even been willing to seriously try monogamy for extended periods of time.

And while Yifan says that he’s fine, that it _ turns him on  _ that Junmyeon wants to sleep with other men, Junmyeon knows that Yifan only thinks he’s telling the truth. He knows that Yifan isn’t as okay with it as he thinks he is, that it hurts Yifan more than Yifan himself knows.

Junmyeon turns on the left blinker and pauses again for a moment, turning back to the house. It’s been ten years. 

* * *

 

Yifan, from the window of his study, watches the tail lights disappear into the night. He walks through the house, noticing all the things that Junmyeon has taken with him. Junmyeon’s wedding ring sits on the counter, no note.

It’s been ten years.

* * *

 

Junmyeon stops his car again a few miles down the road. Digs his cellphone out of his pocket. Yifan hasn’t texted, hasn’t called.

It’s been ten years, and Junmyeon realizes that Yifan is always going to give him what he needs, even when what he needs isn’t Yifan.

And he punches the steering wheel, because he’s mad at himself and the world and just wishes that he could stop all of this.

* * *

It’s been ten years, and Yifan’s walking through the hall of the house they bought together and praying that Junmyeon will come back.

(Or, at least, that Junmyeon’s not going back to that dom.)

He pours another glass of whiskey and cries, curled up on Junmyeon’s side of the bed, staring at the photos of them that line the walls of the room.

He sleeps in his study, real estate agent information pulled up on the computer.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I don't write porn, but I wanted a little bit of closure on this AU bc I love Krisho with a burning passion.
> 
> Comments and Kudos appreciated!


End file.
